Caveat Emptor

now children, sharing is for communists

2007-11-10T18:24:00.000-05:00

I was going through the News Sophisticate blog and I ran across this post with some very funny Pat Robertson quotes. That of course led me to a video about Pat Robertson calling an assassination attempt. What I wonder is whether or not people still really believe that communism is a threat? I mean, if the 700 Club is on the air somebody is supporting it right?

Has Mr. Robertson even read Marx? Apparently not.. But even Jesus philosophy likens communism. Here's an idea for all of you though. Everyone wake up tomorrow.. and forget about the money. Forget about it. Do what you do otherwise. If you work go to work. If it's your day off, relax. If you're unemployed, go find somebody to help. If you need groceries go get them. If you want a plasma TV, why not? They're overproduced anyway. We complain about war, poverty, racism, consumerism, religious freedom, crime, etc.. but nobody fights for that because they're too busy fighting for a buck. We focus on all the issues that money creates!

I don't want to label it communism.. but humanism. Take care of your fellow man!

The primary motivation of our lives is money. It's what makes a man work overtime instead of being at his kids ball game. It's why our cars get robbed at night. It's why we're addicted to drive thru's and department stores. It's why we have homeless.. class systems.. and struggle in general. If you've made it you believe everyone can. And if you struggle you're blind.. the All American Dream.. to struggle and make it.. or at least waste a life trying.

Those that have a lot of money spend it on stuff and things. They own car collections and large houses. They command armies of employees. They live in the suburbs and drive hummers for miles to the office in the city.

The poor pay rent in the city and ride the public bus system to the suburbs to feed middle class soccer moms and their children fast food.

death of the american dream

2007-11-08T16:02:00.000-05:00

We all share a big world, yet we struggle endlessly for wealth and power.. the make it on your own kinda attitude. We wage war with nations over ideologies and beliefs. The captains of industry prevent innovation and creativity because they might lose money (think big oil and the auto industry). We slave away day in and day out fighting to sell our time for less and less in a world where maximizing profits comes before humanity.

I'm just trying to reach out to somebody else, anybody else I guess that could understand. It's a monopoly game though, and by the time I was born the property was already divvied up. I feel like I'm struggling for a mythical financial freedom. That 40 years of working is a wasted life because there's so many more important things.

But what is a persons time really worth? We've got big dreams for a short life.. but the days never end. The cycle never changes, accept for that paid vacation (if you have a GOOD job) and maybe a couple national holidays off.

The middle class is quickly being eliminated due to cheaper labor costs in foreign countries. We lose our jobs to outsourcing.. what's worse is the people in the third world being exploited though.

If I'm 60 and I own a car collection and a $400,000 house with acres and a pond.. gave my 2.8 children the best of the best.. traveled the world with gold and purple style.. is it a life wasted? How many people are going to suffer because of my materialistic life? What good is a car collection compared to community action? Maybe 15% at church every Sunday is enough to make a better world?

Who really knows? All I know is that I believe in a better way. That there's a higher conscious and it's up to us to be aware of how we're living and affecting the world around us.

The upper echelon of society controls our government.. our government takes out massive loans to fund foreign wars.. and the proletarian pays the debt back with his hard earned dollars. I wonder sometimes why the members of the Fed get to live in better houses than we do [from the daily show].. but it's apparent.. the government they operate borrows money and the investors in those programs make all kinds of money in interest off of the American people.. It's a big mob of selfish people dictating how much freedom (money = time.. time = freedom) that proletarians are allowed to have.

The American Dream has been corrupted by figures and estimates and maximizing profits so that we can consume more and more stuff and attract better looking women.. but the world was a beautiful place before money and class systems.. and it will outlive any of us and our accumulated wealth or debt.

I believe in a better way.

paronomasia

2006-11-16T11:03:00.000-05:00

We live in a democratic society, a society in which the people make the decisions regarding social and economic issues. It's crazy too, because people generally have their own agendas and ideas about what success is and how to be successful. As a nation we're torn by political agendas, and we're constantly bombarded by political advertisements and discrepancies between conservative and liberal medias. We're supposed to make educated decisions and vote for people that we believe will accomplish change, but no single person in this culture can initiate change. It takes a collective effort to pass legislation in our favor. Because of our legislative process it's necessary for the government to grow rather than shrink. Logically speaking, over time one would think that a system is going to become more and more efficient, but because we require the bipartisan leadership to compromise, we're left with a bloated government that wastes money and fails to accomplish anything at all.

We've created a system destined for failure. Unless we make serious changes in our legislative process, the system will always be in gridlock, stuck on the same social and economic issues. We're not moving forward as an ego-less nation. We're simply buying into mediocrity and living on the success of the past. It's time to take this ego head on. What we need here in America is tolerance. Understand that we must work together for our own interests and for the rest of the world.

We've wasted over 350 billion dollars to fund a war on terror. I suggest that everyone actually interested in what a waste this war actually is check out costofwar.com.

I'm not making any change proposals, because clearly I'm a part of the ego-less collective, and my views are probably too radical for anyone to accept. But if we don't do something radical things are just going to get worse.

working in Indiana

2006-11-14T16:54:00.000-05:00

I'm positive there's plenty to be excited about in the great state of Indiana. I live and work in Indianapolis doing odd jobs, trying to make sure the rent is paid while living the sordid life of a bohemian/hippy/beatnik, or whatever the hipsters of this generation are called. I'm a computer wizard of sorts, and I'm a personable guy, but I find it increasingly difficult to hold down a job.

Before I bore with my demise as a hard working adult, let me remind you that in Indiana work ethic and ability aren't necessarily factors when considering job security. In fact, if the boss can't decide whether or not to look at the lazy eye or the straight one, it could be the end of one's tenure as a respectable employee.

I've been doing IT work all of my adult life. It's a ridiculous industry to get into because the job market is over-saturated. Joe Schmuck just graduated high school, and though he has no real world experience, he's willing to work for pennies less on the hour; so the working man gets replaced with the lowest bidder.

The IT position in itself must be the worst job in America. Most of us spend the better part of the day in a cubicle farm solving the problems of people who are too lazy to spend ten minutes of their precious lives learning something new. Instead, when said machine doesn't turn on properly we're required to investigate. Generally the user fails to turn the monitor on, or doesn't understand which mouse button does what, etc..

I'm generally an understanding man, and I don't expect the people to know the ins and outs of the computer world, but jeez. This isn't really a rant about incompetent computer users either. I'm slowly digressing to that though..

Anyway, it seems that I failed to leave the door to the office open earlier this year, and my boss sent me home to "think about it". It doesn't seem like a serious offense really, to forget opening the office door. Since then I've felt that termination is imminent.

I frequently get emails about having my friends in the office too. I work in a community college and my brother attends his classes here. He's been having problems with the wireless connection for three weeks now, and as his brother the IT guy, I feel obliged to fix the problem. It really has nothing to do with him though..

My job is on the line. The fact is, I do my job and I do it well. I don't understand why the rest of the beaureaucratic red tape is apart of my job. I'm paid a lowly wage to do a job requiring certain skills. I don't really want to be a puppet, but something's got to give.

2006-05-05T13:55:00.000-04:00

The US treasury department is working around the clock to combat the rise in energy costs by printing more money than ever before. "We've come up with a brilliant plan to take care of our national debt and balance the budget", President George "dubya" Bush reports while fidgeting with what appears to be an "Easy" button.

marriage?

2006-01-18T13:40:00.000-05:00

so I broke down this morning. Could I actually consider getting married? I mean, really consider it? And the more I think about this the more I wonder if it will work. I'm confident though, that I can do anything I want to do and that my potential mate would encourage me to do those things. I really love the things she does too. Research and studying, hard work and discipline, those are the things that get her what she wants. I'm proud of her. I think what she's doing is great. Perhaps it can work?

BLEND #27

2006-01-17T14:00:00.000-05:00

ah, the blend of choice. I crave the cancer causing carcinogens, the lack of fresh air, the bland, ash-like taste that permeates every kiss I give. The very thing that wastes nearly $20 every week not only makes me stink, but it's killing me slowly, it makes me ridiculously thirsty, encourages disease, or whatever. But I enjoy the flavorful smoke. The vanity is somewhat lost, as it's now an addiction. I'm ready to give it up.

I love my dreads

2006-01-16T14:34:00.000-05:00

yep, that about sums it up. I love my dreads!

summer romance

2006-01-15T20:42:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't it be neat if summer romance could happen all the time? I want to fill my life romance and love. Doesn't everyone else? Why is it so difficult to find then?

on creativity

2006-01-15T19:13:00.000-05:00

It's not necessarily that I lack the ability to create, but I lack the confidence to create. If only someone would latch onto my ideas, share them, encourage them, want to be involved with them, etc.. regardless of any personal interest in me.

I really believe that if people come together, the possibilities are endless. I have all sorts of ideas that range from the very lucrative, to the very enjoyable. I know that other people do too. I think that people involved in projects, ideas, or whatever it's called, lead more productive lives. People that get excited and actually do the things they think about are more likely to be happy and successful.

ergophobia

2006-01-11T12:05:00.000-05:00

tis my greatest weakness

scarborough fair

2006-01-10T13:53:00.000-05:00

Are you going to Scarborough Fair
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She was once a true love of mine

Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
(On the side of a hill in the deep forest green)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Tracing of sparrow on snowcrested brown)
Without no seams nor needle work
(Blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
(Sleeps unaware of the clarion call)

Tell her to find me an acre of land
(On the side of a hill a sprinkling of leaves)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Washes the grave with silvery tears)
Between the salt water and the sea strands
(A soldier cleans and polishes a gun)
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather
(War bellows blazing in scarlet battalions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
(And to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten)
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Are you going to Scarborough Fair
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She was once a true love of mine

here's how I think about it

2006-01-08T18:05:00.000-05:00

Tommy and I were outside at work smoking, talking about the new year and friends, making money, etc..

He said to me, "I think about it like this, you gotta have money. Money gets you food, the clothes on your back, the housing accomodations, etc.. you can't live without money."

I replied, "Yeah, it's a shame we have to live that way."

To my surprise he says, "Yeah it is. We're taught to be slaves to the system. We're taught to work hard to have more than the one next to us."

Imagine if children were raised to help each other out. Imagine what life could be like if society didn't turn us into selfish materialistic lemmings.

sometimes I wonder what to live for

2006-01-08T12:34:00.000-05:00

this was in my inbox today. inspiration to live..

"Celebrate we will because life is short but sweet for certain..." Life is too short to hold grudges, to not do everything you can to experience it all. This is it. This is all we get. You have to appreciate the little things, even going to work can be a good thing if you make it. But I still don't have to like it all the time... There is still so much out there that I want to do, that I want to feel, smell, taste, hear, live. I'm just ready to actually believe this, and follow through with it. That's the hardest part.

writing songs to burn bridges by. be afraid.

2006-01-07T16:39:00.000-05:00

some musicians fail to have discretion in the things they say. freedom of speech is appropriate for our culture, but there are some things better left unsaid (namely a few nickelback songs). so I digress, my passion for music has not motivated me anywhere beyond where I am and I'd like to change that. My roommate and I have been practicing some songs in an effort to play at open mic night at some bar. Hopefully we'll get some attention (from the ladies of course!). until then though..

last night

2006-01-06T20:06:00.000-05:00

something remarkable happened last night. It was an awkward evening, but I did succeed in getting people together. I think that maybe I make situations awkward myself. Social experiments don't always go as planned. I guess I'm bummed because every man's pursuit is a piece of ass. My genuine concern is to find someone to share my travels with. Some of us were bold, others casual, I was nervously quiet. It's typical though I guess. Perhaps the mentality is 'if you don't try you won't succeed', but I really feel like that's the wrong approach to making a new aquaintance. My final thoughts though... We all need to satisfy our sexual desire. Why do women make it so complicated for us?

this is the haunt of roulette dares

2006-01-05T14:54:00.000-05:00

be bold. be bold because life is a gamble.
if I take the next opporotunity I will lose what I have
if I give up the next opporotunity I lose the potential to be better

love at first sight

2006-01-05T08:48:00.000-05:00

I ended up taking the day off yesterday. It was really a pretty comfortable day. I vegged in front of the television for a small while. I'm engrossed in Metal Gear Solid. Travis got home around 4:30 or so. It was about that time I realised that Derek left his phone for me. So I called my friend Monica and made plans to visit her. Travis and I picked Monica up at Starbucks later in the evening. We proceeded to visit her friend Ashley. I always think it's fun to meet people. Ashley's place was alright. Travis and I didn't really talk much. I was rather uncomfortable there. Perhaps a little bit claustrophobic even. After that we went back to the apt. for a little while. I proceeded to call Cole Fulbowl to see if he wants to get a drink. We ended up at the Bourbon St. Distillery drinking Stoley's and whatever. I discussed a possibly lucrative business idea with Cole and Monica. It seems like we might be traveling this summer to make a name for ourselves. To end the night, I ordered up a round of Jager. The evening was considerably better than expected. Now I'm excited about the summertime again..

New Year's Day

2006-01-01T17:17:00.000-05:00

Here's to hoping for a good new year. Every new year adds responsibility and realisation. I suppose they're either burdens or blessings, however one thinks of it. It's another year that goes by with me wondering what the stakes are. Is life's gambit an illusion? Are the sheep really headed to a secure future, or are they just being fattened up for slaughter? Should one take control of the life one leads, or should one join the herd?

Custom Concern

2006-01-01T16:19:00.000-05:00

Their custom concern for the people
Build up the monuments and steeples
To wear out our eyes
I get up just about noon
My head sends a message for me
to reach for my shoes then walk
Gotta go to work, gotta go to work, gotta get a job
Goes through the parking lot fields
Doesn't see no signs that they will yield
And then thought, this'll never end
This'll never end, this'll never stop
Message read on the bathroom wall
Says, I don't feel at all like I fall.
And we're losing all touch, losing all touch
Building a desert

to be desired...

2005-12-06T18:45:00.000-05:00

relationships are a brilliant form of art.

keeping the numbwits at bay

2005-12-05T13:38:00.000-05:00

Lately I suppose I've been keeping to myself as much as possible. I interact with my roommates, but that's about it. My social life has dwindled to a lot of nothing, but I'm among intelligent people now, and I appreciate that greatly. I've developed an attitude of arrogant sophistication in order to keep the numbwits away. In all, it seems to be working out. I just need to work on an application so I don't have to do menial labor at the call center anymore. The goal is to work my way into a more enjoyable position. We'll see how that goes, right?

what is the point?

2005-12-01T14:48:00.000-05:00

I wish someone could justify having to have a reason for any particular action, be it any carnal nature such as eating or masturbation, or trying to find the meaning of life. The typical solipsist perspective allows one to realize that there isn't really any way to justify believing in anything. One must simply believe. The point of this I suppose, is that there isn't really a point. Stop trying to find one. Live life to the fullest. Take the good and the bad respectively for what they are. Do what you want to do. The days keep flying by, and people keep waking up, going to work, investing, preparing for a future, etc. What future? The days for a man's existence are numbered. Why waste time working for a future that's not even guaranteed? The easy life.. it's here. It's now. It's whatever one makes of it. Don't waste this precious time relying on a job, a house, or a car. Those things are trivial anyway. The real truth is whatever you decide it is. Make your life your own.

the girl behind me

2005-11-30T14:25:00.000-05:00

There's a really attractive woman that is sitting behind me at work today. If only I could work up the courage to talk to her.. :) Anyway, she's rather distracting, so I'm going to get back to doing something constructive.

blank page empire

2005-08-16T15:14:00.000-05:00

there must be something beyond the past
I guess I'm just afraid to think about it
sad songs and sunsets are always inspiring
sad songs and sunsets
sad songs
sad

I'm next in line to trip over the turnstile
the train station is enormous
it's magic how anyone can find there way
suits and briefcases, ipods and skateboards
restaurants and beggers, artists and wine
the train is underground, bohemian

Jack always taunts Barbossa with an apple
all for a little piece of the Pearl I suppose

No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.

2005-08-15T22:15:00.000-05:00

some friends of mine came down from detroit this weekend. Twas a lot of fun. :) I'm glad to know that I have friends. I really was unsure of how to entertain them. My string is only apparent to the females in my life, and of course a few lonely souls begging me to hook them up with somethone sexy. Anyway, I appreciate visitors.

I ate some lunch today. The highlight of my day actually. Then I enjoyed some smoke with a good friend. I went to the restroom to freshen up a bit after lunch. I'm unsure about what happened on the other side of the door, but when I returned the room was just a little darker. So I decided to play something introspective. Winding down into my pitiful existence was rather comfortable. My misery. If I've got nothing else, I've got my misery. But a facade can still make even the most destitute place seem classy, elegant, refined, or whatever. I opened my eyes again, only to notice the room was slightly darker than before. Funny how I never noticed until today though. God is playing his cruel tricks on me once again.

Here I am now, with some rainy day music and that awful feeling one gets from overeating. I hate playing hookey with my debtors.

Just when you think something good will happen..

2005-08-01T19:37:00.000-05:00

I need to get away. Permanently. I keep thinking that my lease is going to expire in October. Freedom. Sometimes it takes losing everything to realize that there was never anything to begin with. If I just left without telling a soul.. and completely changed myself where ever I end up.. the possibilities are endless. Fuck it. Fuck her. and her too. and all the people that think they know what it is that I need. I know more than anything that it's not sex. It's not drugs. It's not your fucking church. It's just not. In the grand scheme of things.. there's nothing of any real importance. Just live life. smile. be happy. the rest is taken care of.

what does a man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?

2005-07-28T20:13:00.000-05:00

the bible is such an inspiration. I'm currently unemployed. ecclesiastes 1.3 definitely motivates me to remain unemployed. :) Actually, I'm pretty desperate for a job at this point. I'm willing to do almost anything.

I have this strange desire to prove to a friend that I'm worth her time. But in the back of my mind I know it's something I should keep my nose out of. I haven't really been involved in such a long time. Sometimes I wonder if I was ever really involved in her life at all. It must've been real. I remember it being wonderful after all. But she's preoccupied with her life, love, and a few other things. :(

it's remarkable how new discoveries in quantum physics are suggesting that eastern philosophies are more consistent with science than western religious ideas. I guess the remarkable part is that people still have an uneducated backwoods perception of god.

three tangents, completely unrelated. but really they're all one.

I'm the smartest man alive

2005-07-27T01:32:00.000-05:00

considering there's an infinite amount of knowledge in the world, who really knows anything?

weighed down

2005-07-24T17:02:00.000-05:00

Light of the world
Are you still here?
And are we illuminating?
When love becomes a delicate display
So weak dissolved by anything

Love lies here waiting all alone
Can a king be a king
Weighed down?

Our hearts a bubble maker's dream
Moved on by winds of everything
As we deny that love is still the king
Not as weak as we make him out to be

Love lies here waiting all alone
Can a king be a king
Weighed down?

joc

she's electric

2005-07-24T13:16:00.000-05:00

electricity. it runs in my veins.
I'm falling for it again. the charm, the raw energy. electric.
where'd my money go? electric.
where'd my pride go? electric.
what about my mind? electric.
exoskeletal. biomechanical. electric sex.
don't flip the switch.

inside the oceanarium

2005-07-24T09:33:00.000-05:00

I was slightly inebriated last night. I said a little more than I should've about my relationship with my roommate. Bleh. So several sober people overheard what I thought about it. I imagine it's only a matter of time before that information gets into the wrong hands. Yes, I know there's no ring on my finger. There's not one on hers either. That doesn't make 6 years any easier to give up though.

crash

2005-07-22T02:59:00.000-05:00

I love you.
I want to love you.
but you're infibulated.

I guess I'd always hoped you'd change your mind

2005-07-21T05:24:00.000-05:00

I was on the brink of getting engaged once. I had a beautiful ring picked out. A white gold band with an exquisite black pearl surrouned by two small diamonds. The perfect choice for an eccentric I suppose. While I lived in Chicago it seemed like good idea. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'd be tied down to someone I wasn't even sure about. It's rather upsetting too. Because now I spend all my time trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. And I know what I want, but I fill it up with dreams of travel, hopes of success, and years of wasting time trying to make a decision. Reality has proven that I just can't move on. As much as I try not to hurt my friends and family, they're all just waiting for me to do something, anything at all to get out of this rut.

Does anyone know what it takes to be happy? If nobody replies, I might just have to go find it for myself. So much for being the scion of a carpenter. Or the next soccer prodigy. Sooner than later this dream of traveling will escape me too. What's next? A nice trailer at the Village Green? How about scooping the loop? Those aspirations are really fabulous. Maybe I can hang out at Max's Clubs House, or that run down pool hall across from 13th floor. I'd probably end up with a DUI. It would rock to get a girl drunk and end up riding her home on my hip new Vespa. I could even have a full time job with benifits at Aisin. Working my ass off for a few bucks an hour. But the overtime is great. I might be able to pay off my trailer in 15 years if I work 14 hour shifts seven days a week. And I could even start an ebay business. I could sell my old clothes instead of donating them from goodwill (where I bought them in the first place) to help out other seymorons.

Perhaps I could finish my degree. Computer Science and Physics.. it might land me on the moon. Literally. If I could compete with the Berkeley students, the MIT students, the dartmouth students. The ones that think it's brilliant to drink warm cabernet sauvignon with their pizza hut. I hate to break it to them. Cabernet is nice, but it's not the same as a swedish clove cigarette and scotch on the rocks. Redneck is defined as the glorious absence of sophistication. Perhaps I'm a cynical asshole, but a $20 bottle of wine and a degree doesn't mean sophisticated. And I'm going to get out of school with honors. I might even get a great entry level postition at a prestigious software engineering firm. And if I spend all my time working there, I might be able to afford some nice clothing for my children to wear to high school. Because looking good in high school is so important. I guess a 9 to 5 job working on carpal tunnel syndrome and obesity isn't so bad. At least I get a week's paid vacation. Maybe I could take a cruise.

Something else I could do with my life.. I could spend my time waiting for something exciting to happen. Hell, I could even try and make something exciting happen. Dreadz Shakedown Summer Formal. A trippy party. Dancing, singing, dressing up. I'm going as the Pied Piper of Hamelin. I might even learn to play the flute for the event. Or I could start a business. Clientel in Indiana.. yay.

Fuck all the things I could do. I'm getting the hell out of this town. There's nothing left for me to wait on anyway. Not life, or love or happiness. Not even the fucking Holy Ghost (acts chapter 2). Amen preacher man.

life is curious

2005-07-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

once in awhile I'm faced with a decision that I feel is going to be life changing.
like quitting smoking.
or cutting my losses in a relationship
but then I remember the ecclesiates.

for just a moment consider life versus infinity.
time cannot be beaten.
love is just a memory
happiness isn't real.

the everyday smile of a coworker
facade
the opinion of a friend
precipice

both are ridiculous
live and let live
chances for true love and happiness probably happen more often than not
just be willing to give them a chance

beat down, drunken fool
soma holidays are comfortably numb
a brave new world exists
emotion is dead

first love

2005-07-19T12:19:00.000-05:00

last night I talked to her again. and again I got caught up in this pipe dream. like I might remember what it's like to be happy. to be in love. in the past I've been hung up on her for months. perhaps more like eight years. once, I even tried to convince her to run away with me. no cigar. be it known, that in my minds eye, I see her face, she smiles and she shows me love. absolutely beautiful. amazingly brilliant. if only I could be an intelligent one.. because me and my intellect should be able to figure out that this discussion that happens every so often seems more and more like a cheap blow under the belt. a way to make me think that maybe she's caught up too. the problem is, she lets me down every time. let me down. down. sometimes I wonder why she does this to me. I'm never bitter. I'm always in love. I just wonder sometimes. does she need me to boost her ego? does she really want me to sweep her off her feet? because I'd do anything I could if all the things I think we want together could be real.. ice.

don't forget me.

let that be enough

2005-07-16T22:20:00.000-05:00

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Sunday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

90 miles to cuba

2005-07-16T05:36:00.000-05:00

I woke up on Sunday morning. It's been three days and land is nowhere in sight. The pungent stench of refugees was almost unbearable. Wildlife was seemingly non-existent.

There were 37 of us. Huddled in a circle, nameless, faceless. And the cold night wind. Brrrr. Some were children. Some were elderly. It would seem the stars outnumber us tonight.

Panic roused on one end of the raft. Some scattered from the epicenter as the water exploded into the air. The boat was filling fast. We were sinking.

"The raft!! It's sinking!"

I reply, "Is there a patch kit?"

One of the Cubans fumbles for a raft band-aid. Meanwhile panic spreads. The weight of the raft shifted away from the hole. Slowly the pin prick hole rose into the air. We were capsizing.

"Rico!", I screamed trying to control the situation. "Make them spread out. We're sinking!"

Rico quickly took the children from their parents and sent them to my end of the raft. Their families soon followed. The rest of the Cubans were instructed to spread out as much as possible.

Meanwhile, I was working on patching the boat. Saltwater doesn't help the adhesive stick very well. The raft had lost too much air. It wouldn't be long before someone would have to get out and attempt inflating the boat.

Finally, I secured the patch. The raft was severely deflated. Thirty-Seven of us, putting faith in an inflatable raft foolishly crossing the Caribbean. We could taste freedom, and now we're on the brink of being lost forever.

The sun was rising. The long night was over. The raft is in terrible condition. People are irritable; no one has slept.

What one notices in the Caribbean waiting for the cosmic powers of the universe, is the vast amount of ocean, and the little amount of land. We trusted a raft more than we trusted the Cuban empire. Some were escaped convicts. Others were former political leaders fleeing the wrath of the system. Me, I just needed a change in my life.

My faith in the raft was steadfast. I knew that the two of us would get the other thirty-six safely to the coast of Florida. The raft god wouldn't let me down. He couldn't let me down. The good book said so. I put the instruction manual in a safe place. It's the guide to life when the ocean is getting you down.

"If it's the will of the raft, we will surely die.", I preached to the Cubans.

None of them understood what I was saying.

I read the Raft Manual and did as it said. I was begging, pleading, worshiping. The Cubans thought I was crazy. How could they deny it though? The raft clearly held our lives. Today it showed no mercy. Slowly the raft deflated. The patch wasn't holding. But in the distance we could see the Tortugas.

Freedom, less than 7 miles away. The refugees started paddling. I started paddling. The raft proved to be seaworthy after all. Merciful and kind. Giving us all a new beginning.

cranial bleeding

2005-07-15T00:25:00.000-05:00

"We have never seen any evidence to suggest that LSD causes the spine to move upwards (or in any direction). Likewise, though a common rumor, there are no studies or case reports which suggest that LSD causes the brain to bleed or hemorrhage."

the depths of my mind are beyond even me. sometimes I wonder where I come up with this shit.

sexual healing. help me prevent prostate cancer.

feed me. fill me up again.

I'm blind. the light, it's so bright. so bright. so brilliant. the moths all follow me.

nicotine

2005-07-14T01:41:00.000-05:00

the effects smoking has on the brain are really remarkable. the alkaloids introduced to the brain instantly cause synapses to fire causing the mind to focus it's attention on detail oriented tasks.

mind games

2005-07-09T03:45:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong to use the "power of Christ" as a means of controlling social situations?