Caveat Emptor

so I broke down this morning. Could I actually consider getting married? I mean, really consider it? And the more I think about this the more I wonder if it will work. I'm confident though, that I can do anything I want to do and that my potential mate would encourage me to do those things. I really love the things she does too. Research and studying, hard work and discipline, those are the things that get her what she wants. I'm proud of her. I think what she's doing is great. Perhaps it can work?

ah, the blend of choice. I crave the cancer causing carcinogens, the lack of fresh air, the bland, ash-like taste that permeates every kiss I give. The very thing that wastes nearly $20 every week not only makes me stink, but it's killing me slowly, it makes me ridiculously thirsty, encourages disease, or whatever. But I enjoy the flavorful smoke. The vanity is somewhat lost, as it's now an addiction. I'm ready to give it up.

yep, that about sums it up. I love my dreads!

Wouldn't it be neat if summer romance could happen all the time? I want to fill my life romance and love. Doesn't everyone else? Why is it so difficult to find then?

It's not necessarily that I lack the ability to create, but I lack the confidence to create. If only someone would latch onto my ideas, share them, encourage them, want to be involved with them, etc.. regardless of any personal interest in me.

I really believe that if people come together, the possibilities are endless. I have all sorts of ideas that range from the very lucrative, to the very enjoyable. I know that other people do too. I think that people involved in projects, ideas, or whatever it's called, lead more productive lives. People that get excited and actually do the things they think about are more likely to be happy and successful.

tis my greatest weakness

Are you going to Scarborough Fair
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She was once a true love of mine

Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
(On the side of a hill in the deep forest green)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Tracing of sparrow on snowcrested brown)
Without no seams nor needle work
(Blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
(Sleeps unaware of the clarion call)

Tell her to find me an acre of land
(On the side of a hill a sprinkling of leaves)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Washes the grave with silvery tears)
Between the salt water and the sea strands
(A soldier cleans and polishes a gun)
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather
(War bellows blazing in scarlet battalions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
(And to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten)
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Are you going to Scarborough Fair
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She was once a true love of mine

Tommy and I were outside at work smoking, talking about the new year and friends, making money, etc..

He said to me, "I think about it like this, you gotta have money. Money gets you food, the clothes on your back, the housing accomodations, etc.. you can't live without money."

I replied, "Yeah, it's a shame we have to live that way."

To my surprise he says, "Yeah it is. We're taught to be slaves to the system. We're taught to work hard to have more than the one next to us."

Imagine if children were raised to help each other out. Imagine what life could be like if society didn't turn us into selfish materialistic lemmings.

this was in my inbox today. inspiration to live..

"Celebrate we will because life is short but sweet for certain..." Life is too short to hold grudges, to not do everything you can to experience it all. This is it. This is all we get. You have to appreciate the little things, even going to work can be a good thing if you make it. But I still don't have to like it all the time... There is still so much out there that I want to do, that I want to feel, smell, taste, hear, live. I'm just ready to actually believe this, and follow through with it. That's the hardest part.

some musicians fail to have discretion in the things they say. freedom of speech is appropriate for our culture, but there are some things better left unsaid (namely a few nickelback songs). so I digress, my passion for music has not motivated me anywhere beyond where I am and I'd like to change that. My roommate and I have been practicing some songs in an effort to play at open mic night at some bar. Hopefully we'll get some attention (from the ladies of course!). until then though..

something remarkable happened last night. It was an awkward evening, but I did succeed in getting people together. I think that maybe I make situations awkward myself. Social experiments don't always go as planned. I guess I'm bummed because every man's pursuit is a piece of ass. My genuine concern is to find someone to share my travels with. Some of us were bold, others casual, I was nervously quiet. It's typical though I guess. Perhaps the mentality is 'if you don't try you won't succeed', but I really feel like that's the wrong approach to making a new aquaintance. My final thoughts though... We all need to satisfy our sexual desire. Why do women make it so complicated for us?

be bold. be bold because life is a gamble.
if I take the next opporotunity I will lose what I have
if I give up the next opporotunity I lose the potential to be better

I ended up taking the day off yesterday. It was really a pretty comfortable day. I vegged in front of the television for a small while. I'm engrossed in Metal Gear Solid. Travis got home around 4:30 or so. It was about that time I realised that Derek left his phone for me. So I called my friend Monica and made plans to visit her. Travis and I picked Monica up at Starbucks later in the evening. We proceeded to visit her friend Ashley. I always think it's fun to meet people. Ashley's place was alright. Travis and I didn't really talk much. I was rather uncomfortable there. Perhaps a little bit claustrophobic even. After that we went back to the apt. for a little while. I proceeded to call Cole Fulbowl to see if he wants to get a drink. We ended up at the Bourbon St. Distillery drinking Stoley's and whatever. I discussed a possibly lucrative business idea with Cole and Monica. It seems like we might be traveling this summer to make a name for ourselves. To end the night, I ordered up a round of Jager. The evening was considerably better than expected. Now I'm excited about the summertime again..

Here's to hoping for a good new year. Every new year adds responsibility and realisation. I suppose they're either burdens or blessings, however one thinks of it. It's another year that goes by with me wondering what the stakes are. Is life's gambit an illusion? Are the sheep really headed to a secure future, or are they just being fattened up for slaughter? Should one take control of the life one leads, or should one join the herd?

Their custom concern for the people
Build up the monuments and steeples
To wear out our eyes
I get up just about noon
My head sends a message for me
to reach for my shoes then walk
Gotta go to work, gotta go to work, gotta get a job
Goes through the parking lot fields
Doesn't see no signs that they will yield
And then thought, this'll never end
This'll never end, this'll never stop
Message read on the bathroom wall
Says, I don't feel at all like I fall.
And we're losing all touch, losing all touch
Building a desert